Accountant Jokes

Jokes About Accountants


What's that Point if You Can't Laugh at Yourself?


A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Want to hear an accountant joke?” The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke, you should know that I’m 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I’m an accountant. And the guy sitting next to me is 6’2″ tall, 225 pounds, and he’s an accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?” The first guy says, “No, I don’t want to have to explain it two times.”


Where do homeless accountants live?

In a tax shelter.


IRS Joke

An IRS agent is walking through Brackenridge Park when a mugger jumps out and yells “Give me all your money!”. The IRS agent says, “You can’t do this after all I work for the IRS.” At which point, the mugger yells: “OK, give me all MY money!”


Married To A CPA Joke

A lady goes to the doctor and the doctor breaks the news to her that she only has 3 months to live. The lady says, “Doctor, what can I do?”. The doctor responds “Marry a CPA.” The dying woman is shocked and says “What good will that do?”. The doctor laughs and tells her “Nothing, but at least it will seem like a lifetime.”


How do you know your son is going to be a CPA?

When you read him the story of Cinderella and you get to the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden carriage, he asks you “Daddy, is that ordinary income or a capital gain?”


How do you know you have a great CPA?

He has a tax loophole named after him.


You Might Be An Accountant If…

  • You deduct Ex-lax as “moving expenses”
  • You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store
  • Your idea of thrashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card
  • You are doing it now because you checked the file and found that you did it last year
  • You decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline


What is a CPA’s best pickup line?

Wow, you have a nice pair of W2s.


What is the definition of an accountant?

Someone who solves a problem you did not know you had in a way you don’t understand.


What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?



Why do accountants make great lovers?

They’re great with figures.


Accountants Best Defense:

We’re not boring people. We just get excited over boring things.


What is the definition of a good tax accountant?

Someone who has a loophole named after them.


If an accountant’s wife cannot sleep what does she say?

Darling, tell me about your work.


How do you know you have an unethical CPA?

You hear him on the phone saying, “Sure, Mr. Madoff, I am glad to do that for you.”


What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t?



What does an accountant say when you ask him the time?

It’s 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait – 13 seconds, no wait – 14 seconds, no wait……


What do actuaries do to liven up their office party?

Invite an accountant.


What’s the difference between an accountant and a lawyer?

The accountant knows he’s boring.


What do you call a financial controller who always works through lunch, takes two days holiday every two years, is in the office every weekend, and leaves every night after 10 p.m.?



Have you heard the joke about the interesting accountant?

No. Me neither.


Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours?

Because on the box it said Concentrate.


There are 3 types of accountants. Those who can count and those who can’t.


A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.


What do you call an accountant without a calculator?





An accountancy student asks a partner to explain ethics in accountancy. The partner thinks for a moment and relates the following.

    ‘Mr Jones, one of our clients, came to see me last week and paid me his bill of £1,000 in cash. As he left I counted the notes and they came to £1,100.

    The student said. ‘ I see. The ethics question is do I tell the client?’

    ‘Wrong answer!’

    The question is do I tell my partner’


Two accountants are in a bank, when armed robbers burst in. While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the accountants, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on accountant number one jams something in accountant number two’s hand. Without looking down, accountant number two whispers, “What is this?” to which accountant number one replies, “it’s that $50 I owe you.”


An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. “Doctor, I just can’t get to sleep at night.” “Have you tried counting sheep?” “That’s the problem – I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it.”


A business owner tells her friend that she is desperately searching for an accountant. Her friend asks, “Didn’t your company hire an accountant a short while ago?” The business owner replies, “That’s the accountant I’ve been searching for.”